[There's a short intake of breath and then a pause before she continues.]
Khatun. Her name is Khatun. She was there in my first NDE too. That was the first choice. She said... she said she couldn't bear for me to see what lay ahead.
[Another little beat, this one more thoughtful than hesitant.]
The second time, Hap said it was the only non-scientific death he ever had. No pulse for seven minutes. He'd... hit me, back of the head. With the butt of a rifle, I think. When I woke up, there was... light. Colour. I didn't choose that, it just happened. The rewards and costs of that one were... different. I don't know, maybe it was the blow on the head. Maybe it was part of it. Maybe I'd already moved past what she didn't want me to see.
[ With the butt of a rifle, I think. Christ. Another flare of anger at a man he ought never to meet, but that's not the conversation. He's been given the freedom to pry, yes, but he's not going to pry into that. Not yet.
Khatun. Not a name he recognises specifically, not in this context, no being he's met.
That's less important than the fact that her sight was removed by someone from another dimension, and potentially gifted back in the same way. ]
Khatun... Do you get the sense that she's always been with you? That each of you have always been tied to one of them?
[ From before, maybe. Cycles, connection across dimension and time, the linear only linear now because human experience needs a focused channel if its to understand itself, needs a narrative, a story to contain meaning.
He's seen too much not to speculate. Doubt is a rarer phenomenon than travelling through the multiverse, and that in itself is a self-perpetuating reality.
He thinks on the Ancient One. He only knew her for a short time but she knew him much longer. She knew his past, his future. His potential. And without her, he'd never have breached the boundaries of his life - never have died and been reborn, never have stepped beyond the reality he knew into the vastness of everything else. She changed him. It's not the same story, but he did have to travel through dimensions to really see her. And although not fatal, it did take a death of sorts to deliver him to her to begin with.
Perhaps their universes aren't so different after all. ]
[OA lapses into another thoughtful silence; there's a soft hum and a rustle of hair and clothing as she rubs the back of her head absently.
They're good questions, good enough that she doesn't mind taking her time to consider them, savour them, and she's sure Stephen won't either.]
I was so young the first time we met; everything was so strange already, it didn't occur to me at first, but she did speak as if she knew me. What had happened to me, what was going to happen to me. I don't know if I can call that 'always'.
[Another pause; a soft tch.]
Mm, no, maybe it is. The second time, I asked if I was like her, the same... the same kind of person, creature she was. The NDEs are like dreams; they have their own logic, things that can't be put to words outside of them. I know why I asked and what I meant, but I don't know if I could explain it.
She... shook her head, no. She said I was the original. I couldn't tell you what that means. Maybe I knew then; I don't now.
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no subject
[There's a short intake of breath and then a pause before she continues.]
Khatun. Her name is Khatun. She was there in my first NDE too. That was the first choice. She said... she said she couldn't bear for me to see what lay ahead.
[Another little beat, this one more thoughtful than hesitant.]
The second time, Hap said it was the only non-scientific death he ever had. No pulse for seven minutes. He'd... hit me, back of the head. With the butt of a rifle, I think. When I woke up, there was... light. Colour. I didn't choose that, it just happened. The rewards and costs of that one were... different. I don't know, maybe it was the blow on the head. Maybe it was part of it. Maybe I'd already moved past what she didn't want me to see.
no subject
Khatun. Not a name he recognises specifically, not in this context, no being he's met.
That's less important than the fact that her sight was removed by someone from another dimension, and potentially gifted back in the same way. ]
Khatun... Do you get the sense that she's always been with you? That each of you have always been tied to one of them?
[ From before, maybe. Cycles, connection across dimension and time, the linear only linear now because human experience needs a focused channel if its to understand itself, needs a narrative, a story to contain meaning.
He's seen too much not to speculate. Doubt is a rarer phenomenon than travelling through the multiverse, and that in itself is a self-perpetuating reality.
He thinks on the Ancient One. He only knew her for a short time but she knew him much longer. She knew his past, his future. His potential. And without her, he'd never have breached the boundaries of his life - never have died and been reborn, never have stepped beyond the reality he knew into the vastness of everything else. She changed him. It's not the same story, but he did have to travel through dimensions to really see her. And although not fatal, it did take a death of sorts to deliver him to her to begin with.
Perhaps their universes aren't so different after all. ]
no subject
They're good questions, good enough that she doesn't mind taking her time to consider them, savour them, and she's sure Stephen won't either.]
I was so young the first time we met; everything was so strange already, it didn't occur to me at first, but she did speak as if she knew me. What had happened to me, what was going to happen to me. I don't know if I can call that 'always'.
[Another pause; a soft tch.]
Mm, no, maybe it is. The second time, I asked if I was like her, the same... the same kind of person, creature she was. The NDEs are like dreams; they have their own logic, things that can't be put to words outside of them. I know why I asked and what I meant, but I don't know if I could explain it.
She... shook her head, no. She said I was the original. I couldn't tell you what that means. Maybe I knew then; I don't now.