[ Well wouldn't you know it, they put Stephen on the smart guy ship for a reason. Jake continues on, almost as if Stephen had never indicated his presence at all. ]
'cuz i always thought i was a fan, y'know? big sturdy uh... haunches, or whatever. what's not to love? they're something to grip onto. you're a man of the world, I've seen your beard. you get what i'm sayin.
only that was BEFORE i started walking around in this sweatsock you cats call a body!
[ While on line for his street meat, Jake slaps his own ass in a manner that could only be described as thunderous. Not privy to the conversation taking place solely in Jake's head, the fellow drunk, hungry pirates drunk edge away in hazy concern. ]
[ Back to the sometimes list. Sometimes you have to think about how a talking dog has intimate knowledge about the form and function of haunches in a certain implied context.
And sometimes you choose to move swiftly on. ]
Yes, Jake. Phenomenally, I have in fact heard of chafing
ah dip, it's just got the one f? see, now here i was picturing it with two, on account of it being so FFREAKIN painfful.
[ Jake steps forward in line, legs angled a little wider than usual. Y'know. On account of the thing they were discussing. ]
can't you magic me up a salve or something? some sorta bro balm? like a... like an undercarriage... unguent? your stupid bodies, man, they just... they just suck SO much. don't even get me started on how many times i've sat down too fast and mashed up my doggy bag. you owe me.
and not 'cuz you're a human, 'cuz you're a wizard like that double dealin' degar dillweed. [ He thumps his chest defiantly, drunkenly forgetting that Stephen could neither see nor hear him. ] i'm developin' a whole new prejudice over here, man, you gotta pull me back from the edge before it's too late.
[ You can't hear him, Stephen, but the people in line certainly can. An enduring, unbroken groan that begins barely above a whisper and ends with jolting awake a drunk passed out on the curb. ]
dude. that's boring. you're being boring right now.
[ Is it victory or is it Jake moving the goalposts and pretending like Stephen is surfacing these ideas for the first time? No need to make a question of this one, chief. It's definitely the latter. ]
you need to get you some self respect, man. [ If Jake seems a little less manic, it's because he's finally got a kebab in hand. They weren't a cure for the potent mix of sugar and alcohol inside him, but the spongey mystery meat would at least soak up some of whatever had yet to progress to his liver. ] that self deprecation crap, that's some slippery wizbiz right there. you gotta be careful with that, you got responsibilities now.
[ Jesus Christ. Victory slips through his fingers like sand, and with a long slow breath in and a sigh heavy enough to cause somebody in a hammock on the opposite side of the room to glance up from her own book, mildly concerned, Stephen resigns himself to this being a long conversation after all. ]
You're right. I've never had responsibilities before in my life and I understand now that I need to do better Thanks so much for the pep talk
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'cuz i always thought i was a fan, y'know? big sturdy uh... haunches, or whatever. what's not to love? they're something to grip onto. you're a man of the world, I've seen your beard. you get what i'm sayin.
only that was BEFORE i started walking around in this sweatsock you cats call a body!
[ While on line for his street meat, Jake slaps his own ass in a manner that could only be described as thunderous. Not privy to the conversation taking place solely in Jake's head, the fellow drunk, hungry pirates drunk edge away in hazy concern. ]
you ever heard of chaffing, steve?
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And sometimes you choose to move swiftly on. ]
Yes, Jake. Phenomenally, I have in fact heard of chafing
There are creams for that. Maybe not here
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[ Jake steps forward in line, legs angled a little wider than usual. Y'know. On account of the thing they were discussing. ]
can't you magic me up a salve or something? some sorta bro balm? like a... like an undercarriage... unguent? your stupid bodies, man, they just... they just suck SO much. don't even get me started on how many times i've sat down too fast and mashed up my doggy bag. you owe me.
and not 'cuz you're a human, 'cuz you're a wizard like that double dealin' degar dillweed. [ He thumps his chest defiantly, drunkenly forgetting that Stephen could neither see nor hear him. ] i'm developin' a whole new prejudice over here, man, you gotta pull me back from the edge before it's too late.
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[ He's a wizard he knows he's a wizard but semantics are salvation and he'll weaponise them when he must.
Still. Jake's a friend, so. ]
Have you tried asking any of the doctors if they brought something with them?
[ Yes he's also a doctor and if semantics are about to be weaponised right back at him so help him he'll fight foul. ]
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dude. that's boring. you're being boring right now.
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[ Is this... victory over the sudden appearance of trash-talking texts about thighs? Could it possibly be that easy? ]
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you need to get you some self respect, man. [ If Jake seems a little less manic, it's because he's finally got a kebab in hand. They weren't a cure for the potent mix of sugar and alcohol inside him, but the spongey mystery meat would at least soak up some of whatever had yet to progress to his liver. ] that self deprecation crap, that's some slippery wizbiz right there. you gotta be careful with that, you got responsibilities now.
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You're right. I've never had responsibilities before in my life and I understand now that I need to do better
Thanks so much for the pep talk
Are you going to ask someone for a balm or not?
[ He'll ask around for you, so help him dog. ]